I lost control. lost control.
gainedcontrol. lost myself.
I started having nightmares. sweating. screaming. not sleeping.
I stopped eating. binging. purging. restricting. ebbing away.
I reached bottom. broke. broken. spent.
But, I do remember making the decision and choosing life, choosing help.
I will always remember to chose recovery. chose God. chose to fight. chose life.
and eating disorder may not just be about losing weight you know. its a mental disorder. its the guilt and pain and revenge on yourself. you cant get over what you believe is right for you. and who said most of us dream of being happy. its about sanity. we often confuse “ill be so happy when im 100 or 85” when its really “ill feel less suicidal and less guilty when i get down to the lowest number , because i am low”